As Rebecca Mead says in her book One Perfect Day: "How we marry is who we are." (Did I, a wedding planner, really just quote this book? I read it recently — review to come soon!)
The biggest wedding planning regrets have to do with when we let how-we-marry get too far away from who-we-are.
If wedding option overwhelm is starting to get to you, I propose another simple test, similar to last week's 25-year-plan:
A wedding day should be made up of: you at your best and most authentic, promises to keep for a lifetime, and the first party you'll host (or co-host with family) as spouses. So ask yourself as you make your wedding planning decisions: "Is this something I would do (or enjoy) in real life?"
If you can't answer yes to this question, there's a problem.
Would you or your beau choose to wear a tuxedo in real life? Would you ever Botox or teeth-whiten? Are you a fashion fiend who longs for Christian Louboutin shoes when you shop (or do you already have a few in your closet)? OK, then–if you're incorporating these into your preparations for the wedding day, it makes sense.
But if you would never do these things anyway, then there may not be much of a point in doing them for your wedding. And you can happily skip over or delete whatever messages you're receiving that tell you "You NEED this!"
I'm not advocating a completely reductionist viewpoint — of course it's easy for others to say, "Why don't you just go down to the county courthouse?" Most of you are planning a wedding with guests and are not considering that. So you are planning an event and an experience. But when the bridal magazines offer 430 favor ideas and 260 wedding cakes, sometimes you do need a bit of a filter.
"Would I enjoy this in real life?"
Great advice, Em! I loved that book! I think it’s so easy to get caught up in all the jazziness of a wedding, the most important thing is to be true to yourself and really focus on your authenticity as a couple, and celebrate your new life together!
That’s great. I couldn’t imagine going through the nightmare of planning an elaborate wedding. I witnessed how stressed my friends were at their weddings and how dazed they were…so we just decided to fly to an isolated island in Fiji with some of our closest friends and family. So glad I did. Thanks for sharing!