The 25-year rule

Image credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/kayugee/CC BY-ND 2.0

As we get into the early part of the wedding planning process for many of this year’s upcoming clients, we often hear the question:

“Do I really need to…(insert X, Y, or Z element here)?” This may relate to a a vendor decision (to have a videographer or not?) or a tradition decision (to see each other before the wedding ceremony or not), or maybe a design decision (to rent those chivari chairs or not).

Thing is, no wedding planner or magazine or blog can truly help you answer these dilemmas until you’ve explored your own feelings. One method I recommend is what I’ve been calling the “25-year rule“. How will you feel about this decision 25 years from now? When you look back at your wedding album, when you celebrate your silver anniversary, will you say to yourself, “I wish I had ____________, after all”?

I believe Suzy Welch on Oprah.com has a version of this she calls “10-10-10”, but it’s the same principle. What are the consequences of this decision 10 minutes from now, how will you feel 10 months from now, and how will you feel 10 years from now?

Another thought, is to check in with yourself and make sure that you and your betrothed are planning with your central relationship vision in mind, rather than starting with external references. Garter Girl’s Julianne Smith has a wonderful article about this called “Does Your Wedding Define You or Do You Define Your Wedding?” which I highly recommend reading.

Once you put your wedding day into perspective with your marriage, things become much clearer.

Updated April 15, 2018